hannah

Renya’s Blanket

play-now-my-lord:
by request - “about horses and ponies”
Text from image:
“I TRY TO SING ALONG BUT I GET IT ALL WRONG
When I was young, I believed ponies grew up to be horses. Years later, one of the times I died, I only asked, ‘Why me?’ And God told me I had been almost right about the ponies, just looking at it backwards. Things, God told me, grow smaller. Horses grow up to be ponies, and ships grow up to be boats, and lions grow up to be housecats, and cities grow up to be suburbs, and billboards grow up to be bumper stickers, and armies grow up to be police, and sodomy trials grow up to be quiet and private little suicides, and every genocide grows up to be statistics.”

cowboylikesubai:

i love you but i don’t love you. i love you forever, you still occupy space in my heart, but that doesn’t mean i have to acknowledge it. (to that one person)
Caitlyn Siehl / in a dream you saw a way to survive by Clementine von Radics / @/inanotherunivrse on tumblr / pinterest / pinterest / unknown / holy ground by taylor swift / “MY NAME” (2021) / Letters of Sylvia Plath / foolish one by taylor swift

thatbarricade:

noo don’t cry about july ending and the time passing, just remember the july poem :)

kvothes:

richard siken, in pithead chapel

leehallfae:

goncharov (1973) dir. martin scorsese // h of h playbook - anne carson // @/orpheuslament (x) // wolf in white van - john darnielle // “the gods show up” - michael kinnucan (x) // @/annevbonny (x)

inkskinned:

at some point it’s just like. do they even fucking like the thing they’re asking AI to make? “oh we’ll just use AI for all the scripts” “we’ll just use AI for art” “no worries AI can write this book” “oh, AI could easily design this”
like… it’s so clear they’ve never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they’ve never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they’ve never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
“oh AI can mimic style” “AI can mimic emotion” “AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid.”
… how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i’d still keep writing.
i don’t know there’s a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it’s like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. “i write because i need to” and “my music is how i speak” and “i make art because it’s either that or i stop existing.” it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it’s a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn’t actually persistant. so many of us have this … fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i’m not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i’ve never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
“we’re gonna replace you”. that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they’re both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see “audience spending” and “marketability” and “multi-line merch opportunity”
and i see a kid drowing. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn’t even love. the word we use the most i think is “passion”. devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - “abracadabra” means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a “real life” and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it’s like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you’re greedy.

ijaazat:

lost the war (had the same opinion as my father)

transarsonist:

transarsonist:
but no yeah lets have the conversation:
“the CEO doesnt want to run that kind of website”
Excuse, shouldnt have bought the ‘go nuts show nuts whatever’ website if thats the case. APPEAL DENIED
“we have to follow the TOS of the appstores we’re hosted on”
Excuse item one, no you dont, item two, you have since those days implimented infrastructure that would allow pornography and sex work on this platform Without violating TOS of any applicable app store. APPEAL DENIED
“we own the site we get to make the rules”
Incorrect, this site has only ever made profit when the users willed it. we collectively own the site as a hive mind and no legal change in ownership will change that. APPEAL DENIED
“we have to keep this website safe for the children who use it”
Argument based on fallacy banning pornography and sex workers does not prevent pornography and sex work from occuring on the site, it only forces aforementioned users to hide and avoid labling their content appropriately, which REDUCES the safety for children and sex workers alike instead of increasing it, this has been shown to the point that making this argument at all is tantamount to admiting fascist intent APPEAL DENIED
Reblog it. I want this to be on Tumblr radar by end of the week, i want my notes to be useless from the discourse, i want every single person on Tumblr to have seen this post at some point

bakwaaas:

inkskinned:
oh, i am finally old enough to know why my parents took so long to grab their coats. why they would ask us to get ready to go only to sit down for another round of coffee. what would i tell myself, at 10 years old? it’s okay. sit down with them too. take in the extra hour with your friend and her family. when you get home, write down every moment in your diary. one day you will be older and you will be waving goodbye to your best friend, and you will turn the key to start your beat up little car engine, and you will look back over your shoulder. her hair will be blowing in the wind and she will be beautiful and you will be, for a moment, struck by all of it. what you will feel is so wide and nameless that it will engulf you. and you will think of being 14 and kicking her under the table in math every time you wanted to whisper something behind the teacher’s back. you will think about how long the days felt, and how you could hold her hand whenever you wished, but you didn’t. and you will think about all of the people you could have lingered with. and you will wish, more than you have ever felt a wish, that the universe just gave you that - more time to linger. more time to say - i love you. i know i need to leave, but i don’t want to leave you. and when i go, i am leaving a piece of my heart that lingers too.
one more round of coffee. the days are so short, and you are so lovely.
“The number of hours we have together is actually not so large. Please linger near the door uncomfortably instead of just leaving. Please forget your scarf in my life and come back later for it.” (mikko harvey)

bitter69uk:

bitter69uk:
worn-smooth:
Tumblr is settling with NYC’s human rights agency over alleged porn ban bias
The ban allegedly affected LGBTQ users disproportionately.
The Verge
Gee, Tumblr would probably really hate it if you shared and spread this damning article … To the surprise of absolutely none of Tumblr’s LGBTQ users, it turns out the independent NYC human rights agency Commission on Human Rights (CCHR) found that Tumblr’s ham-fisted adult content ban in December 2018 disproportionately targeted LGBTQ users. The CCHR’s investigation revealed Tumbler’s moderation algorithms is demonstrably biased against queer content. As part of the settlement, Tumblr was obligated to review their prejudicial anti-gay moderation policies. Even more mortifyingly, they’ve also had to hire an expert on sexual orientation and gender identity (SOGI) issues and provide unconscious bias training to their moderators. I frankly doubt Tumblr has learned a thing from this humbling experience. Just recently the Tumblr algorithm flagged three ancient posts of mine as violating their terms. All three “offenders” were vintage homoerotic beefcake images (softcore by modern standards) roughly 50 – 65-years-old by Bruce of Los Angeles, Bob Mizer and Tom of Finland. (These are of course pioneering queer artists who routinely faced censorship and imprisonment in the fifties and sixties. Plus ca change!). They’ve been visible on my page - corrupting viewers - for years at this point. I appealed all three immediately. Only the Tom of Finland one was approved. The other two are now hidden. So, they haven’t learned much. Apparently, Tumblr – who loves to declare how hip, youthful, inclusive and progressive their values are - wants to restore trust with their queer users. I’d recommend we remember their hypocrisy when Pride rolls around and Tumblr splashes rainbow flags everywhere and attempts to pink wash their image.
In honour of Pride Month, this is worth a reblog! Don’t buy into Tumblr’s hypocritical “pink washing.”

heliophile-oxon:

three–rings:
lady-byleth:
notenufcaffeine:
dumbhotbitchknightgwaine:
flippyspoon:
crowleys–angel:
three–rings:
three–rings:
There’s always a lingering question that I ask myself, which is why do I, a cis bisexual woman, enjoy romance between two men so much?
There are easy answers, like that it’s just fetishizing. And like, I find men attractive, yes. But I also find women attractive. I don’t have a problem with enjoying het romance, assuming I can find good ones. I enjoy stories with female characters I can relate to.
But there’s something much deeper at play, IMO. A friend of mine who is a gender studies professor was the first person to point this out to me, but a lot of women enjoy m/m romance and gay porn because of the lack of women. It removes a source of pressure and sexism. Without any women present, you don’t have to constantly evaluate the sexism of their portrayal, or be reminded of negative experiences in your own life. It allows women to experience romance and especially sexuality without all the baggage that comes with it in our patriarchal society.
This was recently illustrated to me rather dramatically. I read a recommendation for a het romance. And it sounded cute, and came highly recommended. The tropes at play were fun. Until I read a snippet and realized this was a romance between a woman and her boss. I had a visceral negative reaction.
Instantly I’m thinking of sexual harassment stories I’ve read and heard from other women. I’m thinking of how uncomfortable it would be to have your boss develop feelings for you. How icky the power dynamics would be, etc.
And then I realized…this wouldn’t bother me if it were two men. Now, there’s no logical reason for that. Sexual harassment is just as wrong when its object is a man. But I know I’ve read fics with a similar premise and never thought about it. Because when it’s two men I can accept this is just a light romance, a fantasy, meant to be fun and sexy and not to represent the real world.
But I can’t when it’s a het relationship. There’s too much baggage there. Too much societal history of abuse. I can’t relax enough with the premise to enjoy that story.
Now some people can. And that’s fine. And some people are never going to be okay with power imbalances like that regardless of gender. That’s also fine. I don’t think having either reaction makes one morally superior. It’s okay to just enjoy light entertainment for what it is without going into deep analysis.
But it’s much more difficult for me, and I think for many women, to relax and enjoy romantic and sexual stories when they involve female characters. We’ve been burned too many times by shitty depictions, by shallow role models, by abuse portrayed as romantic. We have developed a stress response, a trauma response to heterosexual romance. We are hyper-reactive to a wide variety of triggers in regards to it. But removing women from the equation makes stories safer for us. And maybe it shouldn’t? In an ideal world? But for many of us, that’s the truth.
So this post blew up in the last 24 hours, for whatever reason, and I was looking through people’s responses, as you do. I’m quite moved that so many found it relatable.
But I wanted to highlight one set of tags (via @reallifepotato )
Because I AM comfortable with my sexuality and fairly comfortable with my body, but still, this resonates so hard as someone who has always been overweight. The amount that our society teaches women to constantly compare ourselves, almost always negatively with every other woman out there, can utterly ruin our enjoyment of this kind of thing. Like how many times have you tried to watch a mainstream romantic comedy where some utterly gorgeous actress is bemoaning that she can’t get a date, or WORSE is made out to be less than attractive. And you look at her and go…but she’s fucking perfect? And you just want to puke.
But with m/m romance you can put yourself in the place of either character and…not compare yourself. You can enjoy a character being attractive without feeling bad about yourself, which is REALLY HARD to do for any woman in our fucked up culture.
oh my god someone put it into words!!!!!
there are soooo many nuances and reasons that many of us aren’t even conscious of which makes me doubly angry when it’s dismissed as fetishizing. fuck off and let me read my love stories pls.
nail on the goddamn head there

Also, a lot of m/m fiction offers the notion of an actual friends-to-lovers storyline that isn’t cluttered by sex-first. There’s a foundation there that doesn’t get allowed for in m/f fiction. If there’s a m/f friendship in any media, it’s usually either an automatic love interest on the immediate horizon, or it’s dismissed and not explored as any kind of important to a story. People complain about m/m fiction like “Why can’t two guys just be FRIENDS?!” and i’m over here wanting to know “Why can’t two -anything- just be FRIENDS?!” and m/m fiction is usually the only place i can get that.

Also…

“fuck off and let me read my love stories pls.”
This.
fuck man, this post just summarized something I’ve been trying to put into words for years
Like, fetishization of same sex relationships is a serious issue but it’s very different from what this post talks about and its really important to distinguish between the two
This post is getting notes again and I have to thank @an-actual-corvid for their tags.
#this was very eye-opening for me thank you for writing this out so that I may understand #i agree with all of this but the last comment rang in my head #the distinguishing between fetishes and enjoyment of the romance is not something I’ve seen in conversation #which made me adverse to women consuming m/m romance. I only heard of the m/m fetishization which as a gay man makes me incredibly upset #i understand now that there are multiple sides to this idea of why women consume m/m media #and that the distinction is so important #thank you again for posting this #you have opened my eyes to new possibilities and I have new knowledge in my back pocket so that I do not make any more #hasty judgements on ladies who consume m/m romance #thank you for pointing out a prejudice that I held in such a way that wasn’t babying me or others while still being kind about it #i have some processing I need to do. some rewiring of my brain.#thank you again #(I hope I worded this correctly and that I didn’t upset anyone with my tags.)#I had a femme friend who would exclusively read yaoi and would gush to me about her ‘uwu soft bois’ and ‘how gay they were for each other #‘and how they should just fuck already.’#‘but they’re my uwu soft bois and they’re so cute’#fuck it made me nauseous #I know now what I knew then and that was that what my friend was doing was fetishizing m/m relationships #and that is what soured me on the idea.#this post has turned my head to new ideas and feelings. thank you #while the fetishization of m/m relationships still greatly makes me upset and uncomfortable #i now know that that is not the only reason why women consume m/m media.#thank you
Mostly for personal reasons, because I’ve gotten a good amount of animosity and anon hate from gay men (or those claiming to be so) as a result of this post, so this was nice to read.
As usual I think people need to be much less kneejerk in how they relate because all humans are complicated. A lot of women need to consider how they talk about objects of their gaze because it often makes me uncomfortable. But also we are all motivated by a variety of factors. For example perhaps your friend you mention was really drawn into nonthreatening portrayals of masculinity and that’s the aspect she focused on for a reason.
IDK the way we play with and interact with gender and sex in this fucked up world is messy. Queer men play with femininity and women play with queer masculinity. In different ways and for different reasons. And it’s very late/early and I need to stop typing.
Agree so hard with much of the above. Also reminds me of another thread (where was it???) pointing out that an element that draws so many of us to same-sex fanfic is not that it’s “(ugh, always the) putting sex into friendships” - it’s putting friendship into sex: it’s a way of looking for/seeing the potential for actual friendship and equality in romantic/sexual relationships - something that is heavily mitigated against by social structures in the real (patriarchy-ridden) world we have to live in.